My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
