Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
