I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
