I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize