My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
