Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
