that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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