Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
