Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
