If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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