Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
