I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
