i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
