Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
