Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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