: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it's like iHOP with fire
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
