I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
