we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
