Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
