worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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