All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
