Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
