Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
