Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
