Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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