Im at strip club and am horny
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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