She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
