Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
