its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
