my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
