the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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