What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize