He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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