i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
