So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
