went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
