new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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