There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
