hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
