just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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