I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
