check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
