yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
