I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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