I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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