so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
