I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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