I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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