I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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