I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
