Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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