I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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