I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
