woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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